Most of us know what it’s like to have a mate go quiet, seem off their game, or just not act like themselves. Maybe you’ve noticed your friend pulling back, losing interest in things they once enjoyed, or just not being their usual self. It’s tough to see someone you care about going through a rough patch, especially when you’re not sure what to say or do.

The good news is you don’t have to have all the answers to make a difference. Sometimes, just showing up and letting your mate know you care is the most powerful thing you can do. Here’s a practical guide for men who want to support a friend who’s struggling, without making things awkward or overwhelming.

1. Notice the Signs

Sometimes the signs are obvious, a mate starts drinking more, stops turning up to footy, or seems angry all the time. Other times, it’s more subtle. Maybe they’re just quieter than usual, not responding to messages, or seem distracted. Trust your gut. If something feels off, it’s worth reaching out.

2. Don’t Wait for the “Perfect” Moment

There’s never a textbook time to check in. You don’t need to have a big, serious sit-down. A quick text, a call, or a chat while you’re at the gym, footy training or working on something together can work just as well. The key is to show your mate you’ve noticed, and you care.

3. Start the Conversation

You don’t need fancy words or a counselling degree. Try something simple like, “Hey, you haven’t seemed yourself lately, everything alright?” or “Just checking in, mate. If you want to talk, I’m here.” Sometimes, opening the door is all it takes for a bloke to start sharing what’s on his mind.

If your mate isn’t ready to talk, that’s okay. Let them know you’re around whenever they need.

4. Listen - Really Listen

When your mate does open up, the best thing you can do is listen. Don’t jump in with solutions or try to “fix” things straight away. Give them space to share what’s going on, and let them know you’re there for them, no matter what.

Listening isn’t about having the answers, it’s about being present. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares is enough to help a bloke feel less alone.

5. Avoid Judgement and Quick Fixes

It’s tempting to try and cheer your mate up or tell them to “look on the bright side.” But sometimes, those words can make someone feel misunderstood or brushed off. Instead, try saying, “That sounds really tough,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.” Acknowledging what they’re going through is far more powerful than trying to fix it.

6. Encourage Small Steps

If your mate is struggling, even small things can feel overwhelming. Encourage them to take things one step at a time. Whether that’s going for a walk, catching up for a coffee, or just getting out of the house. Sometimes, gentle encouragement is all someone needs to start moving forward.

7. Respect Their Pace

Not everyone is ready to talk or get help straight away. Be patient. Let your mate know you’re there for the long haul and check in from time to time. Sometimes, just knowing someone hasn’t given up on them makes all the difference.

8. Suggest Professional Support When It’s Needed

If your mate seems really stuck or you’re worried about their safety, it might be time to suggest speaking to a professional counsellor. You can say something like, “Have you thought about talking to someone who’s trained to help with this stuff?” Remind them that reaching out for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a smart move.

If they’re not ready, that’s okay. Let them know you’ll support whatever decision they make and keep the conversation open.

9. Look After Yourself Too

Supporting a mate can be tough, especially if you’re worried or feeling out of your depth. Make sure you’re looking after your own mental health as well. It’s okay to set boundaries and take time for yourself. If you need to talk things through, reach out to someone you trust or consider chatting to a counsellor yourself.

You don’t have to be an expert to make a difference in a mate’s life. Sometimes, just showing up, listening, and letting them know you care is enough to help them through a tough time. Remember, it’s not about fixing everything, it’s about being there, side by side.

If you or someone you know could use some extra support, I’m here to help. You can book a free 15 minute, no-pressure call back at mantomancounselling.com.au. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is reach out.